Chapter 6: Love Shack

As the sun set this evening and I looked back at what I had accomplished, I was rather proud of myself. Sure, it’s not going to make the cover of Architectural Digest, but Phase 1 of my construction project was complete.

I had to prioritize based on money and available materials, which means that I had to build myself what amounts to a homemade tool shed, but it had a door and a roof that might just keep the water out when the storms get here.

Homeless No More, Technically

You’ll note from my photo that the bed’s still out on the lawn. As I mentioned, this was Phase 1. The primary goal of Phase 1 was to complete a structure capable of not falling over when I leaned on it, and containing all of my belongings that might be completely destroyed if they were caught in a sudden rain shower.

What belongings could those possibly be, you ask, if not a bed? Well, now that I’ve got a little cash (some from the day job, and quite a bit more from my disturbingly lucrative frog-breeding side gig), I got back in touch with Craig’s List guy, from whom I’d previously purchased my bed. He’s a regular font of questionably-obtained second hand home furnishings. He’s hooked me up with a grungy old toilet, a noisy but functional refrigerator, and lots of plumbing supplies, all at a really good price as long as I don’t ask too many questions about where it all came from.

Home at Last

Having this shack has changed my life completely. I can take showers without having to lie about my fictional gym membership, I can make my own meals, and when I don’t feel like making meals I have the front door that seems to be the primary requirement of most Uber Eats drivers, who no longer have me on their No-Feed List.

The best thing about having a shack of my own, though, might just be that when nature calls, I can sit on something that isn’t poison oak or a neighbor’s prized garden specimen (public service announcement: never squat on a rose bush… just trust me on this). Now that I have a home of my own, I can do my business on the cool porcelain God intended, and I can do it while eating a nutritious homemade garden salad if I feel like it; nobody’s watching. Well, except you, now that I think about it. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it.

Remember Kids, Don’t Eat Where You Shit

Fortunately, the storms haven’t landed yet, but at least the refrigerator isn’t going to die a tragic rain-related death, potentially taking me with it in my sleep. I’m still concerned about the bed, though, so I’ll be starting on Phase Two in the morning. Because of time constraints I’ve scrapped my initial plans for parapets, a moat, and an imposing tower with a dragon perched atop it, and I think I’m going to just try to extend the interior space enough to drag the bed inside.

First, though, I’ve got a little demolition work to do. And by that, I mean destroying the unsightly hair structure that has taken root on my chin. It’d be nice to feel air on my face again, and it should cut down quite a bit on the reports of sasquatch sightings that seem to be getting more and more common around here.

Bye Bye Beardie

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